The God Within
by RisingWinter
Summary: Baralai's forgotten what it's like to live without the constant presence in his head that compelled his feet to move and his mind to fluctuate between now and oblivion. Bridge between Burn Patterns and Blinding Light.


He could swear his every nerve stung, every muscle strained, and every bone threatened to crack. He couldn't remember when he last ate and were it not for the divine support lent him, he would collapse.

But then he stepped into darkness and relief flooded him.

He didn't initiate the step and yet his body moved to join the encroaching void. Once in darkness, his body relished the chance to rest.

He didn't have much control over himself anymore. Bhunivelze's hold seemed to be the kind that grew with time.

Time.

How long had it been? How many days or months since that last sight of Spira and its flowing waters? How many worlds and how many children and parents had Bhunivelze marked since first snatching away this will and body?

He couldn't remember. He couldn't count. He suspected it had been at least a few years now, but wandering between dimensions meant a lack of sun and moon cycles to inform him. He may as well have been frozen in time.

Why did that thought sound so familiar and comforting, like he'd done something like it before?

He didn't remember stasis. He remembered ruling in a castle – no, a palace. An office? Rooms like prisons flashed through his mind. Which was his?

Chancellor. He was the Chancellor of Spira. He remembered that. Shuyin forced him to keep that in mind, lest Baralai lose himself to the memory of Zanarkand's glittering lights and humming towers of machina.

Did Paine retain her old self? He thought she quipped at him before he left, but the thought was such a fuzzy one… when he tried to recall her exact words, he only heard static. Or wordless, sluggish sounds.

 _Another world awaits you_.

Bhunivelze's voice interrupted his reverie, causing him to look up into the abyss. He never saw the god, but he always felt an uncanny presence when Bhunivelze deigned to speak with him. It felt like they should speak face-to-face, even though Bhunivelze resided only within his person.

"To what purpose?" he asked in an embarrassingly weak voice. "What do you wish to obtain from this one?"

 _It will become clear._

Bhunivelze rarely divulged his plans. He preferred to keep them hidden away, safe from human eyes and ears. Safe from human meddling and intervention. Couldn't think less of Him for that. He had to do similar things on Spira.

So Baralai obediently stepped into the portal of light provided. Despite the burning agony of the motion and the blood that seeped through his boots.

Obedient. As if he had a choice in the matter.

The blinding light of the portal quickly gave way to shimmering, green forest. Leaves crunched under Baralai's boots and he thought for a brief, exhilarating moment that he somehow found himself back in the tropical forests of Spira.

Only, Spira didn't have large, hatted, walking bunnies like that wandering its forests.

 _Ivalice_.

He knew the name of the world which he now tread. It was a place that carried a lot of importance to God, given the way its name echoed in his mind, like Bhunivelze couldn't quite release it from his surface thoughts.

 _The closest village._

He walked. His muscles burned and his stomach churned. Bhunivelze only took the slightest care of His vessels and after Baralai got used to it, he couldn't imagine a life without pain.

 _Find transportation to Archadia. Find the boy called Hope._

Hope. Baralai recognized the name, from what little information he could snatch up from Bhunivelze's mind. He associated it with new beginnings and petty betrayal. He couldn't bring up a face to match it, but he thought he could see an inkling of green-tinted light over a silver-lined balcony.

Bhunivelze sent him ever forward, ignorant of the burning sensation in the legs. Couldn't stop him – he could only keep moving.

The climate of this place matched his home of Bevelle, so he didn't get too warm. That helped him forget the aching just a little bit, as Bhunivelze never changed him out of his once-heavy robes that now hung about him in tattered pieces. Discolored and worn to the point of fraying – he thought he should up and discard it the next chance he got.

 _Keep moving._

The command came as a subtle thought, a reminder that his body was not his own.

At least he remembered who he was. For now. That would come and go, but for now, he remembered he was Baralai. He may not control his motions or his words or even all of his thoughts, but he still knew himself.

Steeled himself. Bhunivelze couldn't take his very essence from him. He was the Chancellor of Spira.

 _Don't spurn the darkness._

Survivor of the Crimson Squad.

 _Don't fear the light._

 _Baralai_ of Spira.


End file.
